Loss

I don’t know why, well maybe I suspect why, but I’m really missing mum right now. It’s been over two years and it feels like it shouldn’t hurt as much as it does but there are days that it does. I think it’s more than that though I’m mourning for a brother that I always wanted and never really had. Oh, I have a real live brother, and he is still out there. His oldest daughter is incredibly close with me though she has never known her father and only became a part of my life when we found her again just before mum died. You can find that little tale further back in my blog – a post called Our Miracle. He’s still the only I have who remembers our childhood. Looking through old pictures I remember this or that but no one to share the memories with. I know many people are in the same position and I’m blessed with the few pictures that I do have. I’m blessed to have dad’s second family which added sisters and a step-mother into my life. Still they are much younger than I – my niece is far closer of age to my youngest sister than she is to me.

I’m whining and I shouldn’t be. I have family I love who love me. I’m far better off then many. I miss my mum – so do many – and worse many parents miss their child or children. I miss my dad to but in a very different way. My mum was a special person. She would have been furious and terrified and desperately saddened by what is happening  in our country.

Perhaps that is what I am mourning as well. A country I can’t recognize.

I am trying to feel sympathy for those on the right who say they felt the same when President Obama was elected but I can’t get myself there. The expansion of civil rights should never be feared. Nothing else that they seem to believe or they think happened was actually based in reality. Even the red line has so much more context then is allowed. That red line was something that was said and I paraphrase many, many Republicans in saying this – was said in the heat of the campaign. For Trump anything that happened before the moment we are in right now does not exist. For anything related to the Democrats there is full history but no context allowed. They will throw propaganda at us. They will gaslight us.

The Democratic Party may not always be in the right but they tend to operate in the area of fact. Sometimes things are said that are not true. Sometimes promises cannot be kept. Still they are focused on helping people. They are focused on fixing things. The Republicans just aren’t. They are about lies. They are about propaganda. They are about taking from people and giving to the wealthy. They are about taking rights and destroying regulations. Just as a reminder that before we had those regulations our rivers burned and we could see the air but not the mountains.

I’m watching the loss of our country and I’m fighting as hard as I can to protect it and I’m praying that the Resistance can make a difference.

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