I close my eyes

I don’t

I remember still

My mother rocking, pain, discomfort, no one can ease

I remember still

My mother throwing up bile

I remember, I try to forget

It lessens, but it still comes back

My mother angry because I drugged her

My mother saying she forgave me – barely

I remember still

My mother hands shaking so badly she couldn’t not spill the water

Angry, not at me, but I’m there

I remember still

My step-father needing to help, not knowing she was so close

He wasn’t ready

He couldn’t let go

She stayed I think for him

Another day or two to give him time to say goodbye

He believed in science

He believed the nurses

Who said she was strong

She wasn’t going to go

But she was done

She’d told me so already

She couldn’t stand the ending

Finally, the drugs took, she slept, we read to her, I talked to her, I talked to him

Friends came, friends left

Family came

Cousins till the end

Together we stayed with her

A day of love

A day of togetherness

She passed

Not gently as I wished but gentler than many

I remember

Screaming as my mother

Too still, Covered, Alone

Left me for the last time

I remember

A pain so much less than what I know others feel from the pain of war

I remember and I wonder at a man who could say that those who feel pain are less

I wonder at man who could say that post traumatic stress makes one less strong

I wonder at a man who could say that one who was captured was weak

I remember

Pain lessens, time helps

We heal

Leaders understand, not all wounds are seen

Those that are not are hard

I remember